Archive for ‘motherhood’

February 21, 2011

the dirty truth

a few posts ago i wrote about the picture-perfect homes featured in blogs i read – clutter-free, perfectly organized, decorated beautifully – and the inadequacy i feel when i look around my own home, even though i understand that the pretty blog homes are not always so spectacular in their natural state.  so, in protest of the presentation of feigned perfection, i am airing my dirty laundry…metaphorically speaking.  (fear not, i am not actually going to show you a picture of Laundry Mountain because no one needs to see my worn underpants and sweaty gym clothes.)

the most lived-in area of the home:  kitchen and family room

kitchen:  dishes in the sink.  piles of clutter. torrents of dust rolling across every surface. my kitchen is impossible to keep clean, and will never be photo-worthy in its natural state.

family room:  toys everywhere.  dust bunny revolution in full force.  kid on the couch watching “Yo Gabba Gabba,” still wearing pajamas at 2pm.

i’ll spare you the details of our bathrooms; toilets in need of scrubbing, spot-covered mirrors, tubs whose memories of their last deep-clean have long been forgotten.  and don’t get me started on laundry-related rants.  it’s a never-ending battle; trying to keep a clean home when there are two kiddos running around is an exercise in futility.  stay tuned…

November 20, 2010

the ups and downs

i started a post titled “the grumbles” the other day, griping about the woes of solo-parenting two demanding kiddos, but i got called away by children and motherly duties before i had a chance to finish it.  it’s tucked away in my drafts folder now.  when i returned to my computer the next day and i saw that draft sitting there, i smiled happily and realized that i didn’t need to finish it because, miracle of miracles, the grumbles had disappeared!  grumbly wednesday was followed by a pretty darn awesome thursday, full of smiles and laughter and cooperative children.  ain’t that grand?!

it seems that that’s the way it is, this life with kids.  one day is up, the next is down.  there will be good days and there will be great days, but there are the inevitable awful, want-to-sell-your-children-to-the-gypsies days tucked in there as well.  there are plenty of days when my well of patience and laughter is full – those are the fun days, the days when i can just roll with the punches – but there are also days when i feel like a tightly stretched wire, constantly vibrating and threatening to snap.  those days are not fun.  those are the days when my daughter’s dawdling and insistent-yet-incompetent independence are just about too much to handle.  those are the days when her constant noise and motion are a real challenge for my silence-and-stillness craving soul.  but she is three; amazingly, wonderfully, delightfully three.  confident and intelligent and hilarious and curious…yet moody.  yes, three is definitely moody.  she is a challenge, for sure, but she is awesome.

and the boy.  oh, how i love the boy.  he has my heart.  i want to scoop him up and drink him in, devouring the chub of his thighs and the sweetness of his cheeks.  he is full of laughs and motion.  he crawls, he climbs, he stands, he is never still.  he is six-months old.  i think back to the days before we decided to have a second child and i cannot believe that i ever doubted that i could possibly have room in my heart for two kids.  ::sigh::

but juggling two kids alone is tough.  holding the baby (to prevent him from attempting to climb the stairs or scale the kitchen cabinets) while simultaneously tending to the girl-child who needs me to wipe her tushie/have a tea party/pour a glass of juice/fetch a snack is exhausting.  wonderful, yet exhausting.  my husband is an amazing, helpful father and partner but he also works long hours and has been traveling more than usual lately.  i have mad respect for single parents who juggle kiddos and careers by themselves.  after three days of solo-parenting i am spent.

up and down, the grumbles will come and go, and i give thanks on the days when the awesome outweighs the awful.  i will continue to rely on coffee and wine to get me through, savoring every moment (because i’m supposed to) even if i have to do so through gritted teeth while counting to ten v-e-r-y, v-e-r-y slowly (because sometimes i have to).

October 28, 2010

i need

i totally got hit-on by another mommy today.  not in the “let’s make out” sense, but in the “let’s be friends” sense, and i feel like i totally let her down.  she approached me at the playground and sat down, cooing about how cute my baby is (major points scored in her favor there).  “this place is great!  it’s our first time here,” which, if we’re being honest, is really just a small jump from the classic, “so, do you come here often?”  we chatted about our kids, their milestones, our challenges etcetera, just like mommies do.  “is this your first child?”  “yes.  and you?”  “no, my second.” and on and on and on, following the niceties of two strangers at a playground who know nothing about one another but who are forced to make small talk because they’re the only two grownups in the vicinity, and otherwise would just be staring off into the distance or staring at their iPhones updating their facebook statuses (statii?) about how uncomfortable it is to interact with other mommies at the playground.  “well, i guess we should be going,” she says to her daughter.  and again, “well, sweetie, we better get home,” and again, “well, we have to go get dinner started.”  i should have said, “it was so nice to meet you” and given her my name or number or email or something – afterall, i was the *experienced* mom-of-two “regular” at the playground – but i didn’t.  “i’m sure we’ll see you here again,” she said, lingering just a bit longer, “especially when the weather turns colder,” i answered.  “okay, see you later,” she said, hoisting her daughter (whose name and eating habits i now knew with deep familiarity) onto her hip and walking away.

i suck at this.  if she had given me her number i would never have called her – i don’t do phones – and then it would probably be all uncomfortable the next time we run into one another at the park.  (side note: i met most of my mom-friends AND my husband online, i apparently have a problem meeting people in person.)  if i had gotten her email address i might have emailed her, but i don’t know that i would, and i didn’t get it anyway.  i didn’t even get her name.

it’s such a weird dance, isn’t it?  this whole “let’s be friends because we’re moms but really the only thing we have in common is the fact that we both have children.”  it’s the mom club.  i’m sure she is a lovely person, she seemed quite nice, but i just don’t know what to do in social situations like this.  anyone else find this to be really awkward?  anyone else try to make friends with other strange mommies at the playground?

October 24, 2010

remind me to write about this later

tons of thoughts swilling in my head about bullies, cliques, meangirls, my fear of sending my children to public school, the hopelessness i feel when i think about the state of our schools (both educationally and socially), and why i’m half tempted to home-school my kids but never actually will.  related thought: where do i find a protective bubble for my kids, and if no bubble is to be found, how do i adequately prepare them to live in this big ol’ scary world?

May 14, 2010

worth the wait

our sweet baby boy, crosby john, arrived on friday, may 7th, at 12:31pm.  weight: 7 pounds, 4 ounces.  length: 20.5 inches.  cuteness: immeasurable.  snuggle factor: off the charts.

March 30, 2010

just wondering…

would my mommy-card be taken away if i hired a night-nanny to stay up with the baby so i can avoid that whole sleep deprivation nightmare after he’s born?  i wonder how much that would cost anyway….

p.s. i’m due in 31 days.

p.p.s. eeeeek!

November 8, 2009

this week has kicked my ass

there’s something funny about sunny weather, especially after an unseasonal october blizzard that dropped nearly 30 inches of snow in two days. this week has been nothing short of glorious; sunny skies and temps topping 70 degrees everyday. if there were ever a reason to celebrate, in my world anyway, this is it. the kiddo and i took full advantage of the sunshine, spending most of each day outside. we went to the park numerous times, took long walks, visited the local ducks and prairie dogs, spent a day at the zoo, and met up with friends. five full days of running, jumping, climbing, and piggyback-giving has worn a mother out. i am beat. it’s saturday night at 8:45 and i’m counting the minutes to bedtime so i can crawl into bed with a book and crash. ::zonk::

October 26, 2009

a few more words on birthing

1) i want to assert that i do not feel inadequate because of my birth experience.  i do not feel like a failure.  i hope it didn’t come off that way, as that was not my intention.

2) my previous birth is what it is;  i can’t change anything about it now and i’m fine with that.  what i can change, however, is my mindset about the birth and labor process going forward with this pregnancy, and that is pretty exciting.

3) i would have liked for my labor to have progressed differently, but the outcome of a c-section birth and a vaginal birth are the same. i have a healthy baby and i wouldn’t change that for the world.

4) i don’t really believe that i didn’t give birth in the literal sense.  that statement and my reaction to it is really just an argument of semantics that i had never even thought of before.  the labor and delivery are just a tiny little piece of the puzzle.  the previous 40 weeks of creating a human and the lifetime that follows are the important parts.  philosophically, it is an interesting debate but in the grand scheme of thing it really doesn’t matter.  at least not to me.

okay, now that’s like 1,700 words about birth…i think that’s enough for now.

October 20, 2009

ain’t nothing more exciting than talking about potty training, right?

potty training.  potty learning.  whatever you call it, it’s not happening here.  i haven’t really pushed it because i don’t want to force my daughter before she’s ready, and yesterday she gave me a very obvious sign that she’s not ready.

i took her diaper off for a change and then told her to run naked for a while to air out.  “just tell mama if you need to go potty, okay?”

she looked at me, frozen in place.

“let me know if you need to go pee pee, baby.”

and then she wailed, “noooooooooooo!  i need a diaper!  diaper, please!”  only when she says “diaper” it comes out as “dahhhpyah” so it’s extra super cute even if she is howling.

okay.  cue, followed.  check.  not ready for a diaper-free tushie.

we bought her a potty at least six months ago and she’s used it successfully two or three times.  mostly she likes to sit on it for a nanosecond, wipe well, and flush the big potty.  actually sitting long enough to use it? not happening.  i don’t want to push it if she’s not ready, she’s only two months past her second birthday so it’s not like she’s way behind or anything, but i would love to have her out of diapers by the time the new baby comes.  maybe that’s just wishful thinking.

got any tips, momma friends?

June 25, 2009

snapshots of a stellar mom

1.  yesterday, i accidentally opened the car door at the exact moment my daughter charged toward my leg, resulting in a tremendous THWACK with enough force to knock her onto her cute little tushie.  she exploded into a heap of tears.  my heart shattered into a million pieces and i immediately set about flogging myself for my horrific inability to predict the uncontrollable nature of my toddler’s movement.  stupid mom.  

2.  to make matters worse, today  i clearly decided that one bruise wasn’t enough and she needed one on the other side of her forehead to complete the look.  i looked away for one nanosecond and she ran in front of a moving swing at the park.  i turned my head just in time to see another spectacular THWACK and another fall on her adorable tushie.  

3.  i bought her a pair of crocs

4.  shut up.  toddler sized crocs are adorable

5.  only she can’t run really well in them and anything faster than an exuberant trot is a disaster waiting to happen.  she tripped over her own toes and took a magnificent tumble while running in the family room today, narrowly missing a collision with the tv shelf.  i guess the boo-boo gods decided to spare us this time.  

6.  i took her into a wal-mart the other day – without hand sanitizer or a tetanus shot, mind you.  i was swerving the cart like a madwoman, trying to get through the store without contracting any sort of communicable illness.  add the swerving to the bottle of juice she drank in the car on the way there…not good, my friends.  she puked all over her shirt, on the seat of the shopping cart, and made a sizable puddle on the floor.  i just kept on walking.  i’m sure it’s not the first time the floor at wal-mart has been puked on, and i can’t blame the girl…wal-mart makes me want to vomit too.  

7.  while we’re on the topic of bodily functions, i had poop (not my own, thankyouverymuch) on my shirt today for a good five hours before i realized it was there.  i had been to the grocery store, target, the park, and starbucks with a nice smear on the front of my white tee.  i wonder how many people noticed it before i did.  

8.  i didn’t change my shirt immediately upon its discovery.  ‘eh,’ i thought, ‘i’ve been covered in worse.’  motherhood has definitely desensitized me to most of the ick factors in life.  

9.  my daughter woke up in tears at midnight a couple nights ago.  instead of rocking her to sleep quietly and putting her back in her crib, i brought her to bed with me.  “do you want to watch nemo?” i asked.  “meemo, yeah,” she replied.  so we watched a movie in the middle of the night when we really should have been sleeping.  it was awesome.