Archive for July 18th, 2010

July 18, 2010

I need a vacation, mental and actual

I could make a list of 856 things that are annoying me right now, but could not tell you the reason why. it seems that my tolerance for irritation is low and my patience has worn thin. is it the heat? the hormones? the monotony of nurse, shush, sleep, repeat while tending to the other lovebug whose patience is also tenuously fragile and whose applecart is easily upset?

I find myself on the verge of a snap with uncomfortable frequency. I close my eyes, take a breath, and splay my fingers out in their most un-clenched position as if to expel the tension through their tips, yet still the frustration mounts. my neck and jaw, where i hold my stress, ache from the constant tension. the craving, nay, the need, for a glass of wine is irresistible.

but still, there is joy. the baby boy is such a peach, and he is proving to be less of a challenge than his sister was in her infancy. he is full of smiles and has gloriously large, inquisitive eyes. he loves to snuggle and eats like a champ. my daughter is full of love and laughter, and so perfectly almost-three; full of personality and independence, gussied up in a tutu yet covered with bumps and bruises from relentless climbing.running.jumping faster, mommy, fasterfasterfaster! she astounds me with her creativity every day and leaves me shaking my head in utter disbelief at all she is capable of and all she knows.

time seems to be flying at a breakneck speed and i fear that this summer will be gone before we’ve really gotten to enjoy it. there’s so much to do yet I feel like I’m doing a whole lot of nothing. I just need to slow down and breathe, live in the moment, find stillness, and savor the tiny moments of silence should they happen to arise.