Archive for June, 2009

June 27, 2009


my husband called from the liquor store to see what specific bottle of white i was in the mood for.  he put the phone to the babe’s mouth and said, “avery, tell mommy what we’re buying.”  without a second of hesitation she replied jubilantly, “we buying mamajuice!”

atta girl.

June 26, 2009

rest in peace, michael

i was born in the late seventies. i am a total child of the 80s. i have never known a world without michael jackson. my musical consciousness has been shaped with him as a central player. i remember waiting impatiently for the MTV premiere of the thriller video. i remember trying to mimic his moonwalk in my living room. i owned a silver sparkly glove. his life and legend were overshadowed by his lunacy, but he is still and forever will be the king of pop. it is absolutely surreal to be watching the news coverage of his death, trying to wrap my head around the words “his body” and “autopsy” and “cardiac arrest” and believe that michael jackson – THE michael jackson – is actually dead. it’s just impossible to comprehend that the biggest cultural icon of my generation is no longer here.

June 25, 2009

snapshots of a stellar mom

1.  yesterday, i accidentally opened the car door at the exact moment my daughter charged toward my leg, resulting in a tremendous THWACK with enough force to knock her onto her cute little tushie.  she exploded into a heap of tears.  my heart shattered into a million pieces and i immediately set about flogging myself for my horrific inability to predict the uncontrollable nature of my toddler’s movement.  stupid mom.  

2.  to make matters worse, today  i clearly decided that one bruise wasn’t enough and she needed one on the other side of her forehead to complete the look.  i looked away for one nanosecond and she ran in front of a moving swing at the park.  i turned my head just in time to see another spectacular THWACK and another fall on her adorable tushie.  

3.  i bought her a pair of crocs

4.  shut up.  toddler sized crocs are adorable

5.  only she can’t run really well in them and anything faster than an exuberant trot is a disaster waiting to happen.  she tripped over her own toes and took a magnificent tumble while running in the family room today, narrowly missing a collision with the tv shelf.  i guess the boo-boo gods decided to spare us this time.  

6.  i took her into a wal-mart the other day – without hand sanitizer or a tetanus shot, mind you.  i was swerving the cart like a madwoman, trying to get through the store without contracting any sort of communicable illness.  add the swerving to the bottle of juice she drank in the car on the way there…not good, my friends.  she puked all over her shirt, on the seat of the shopping cart, and made a sizable puddle on the floor.  i just kept on walking.  i’m sure it’s not the first time the floor at wal-mart has been puked on, and i can’t blame the girl…wal-mart makes me want to vomit too.  

7.  while we’re on the topic of bodily functions, i had poop (not my own, thankyouverymuch) on my shirt today for a good five hours before i realized it was there.  i had been to the grocery store, target, the park, and starbucks with a nice smear on the front of my white tee.  i wonder how many people noticed it before i did.  

8.  i didn’t change my shirt immediately upon its discovery.  ‘eh,’ i thought, ‘i’ve been covered in worse.’  motherhood has definitely desensitized me to most of the ick factors in life.  

9.  my daughter woke up in tears at midnight a couple nights ago.  instead of rocking her to sleep quietly and putting her back in her crib, i brought her to bed with me.  “do you want to watch nemo?” i asked.  “meemo, yeah,” she replied.  so we watched a movie in the middle of the night when we really should have been sleeping.  it was awesome.

June 22, 2009

definitely, maybe

oh. emm. gee. tee. tee. see. double. you. tee. eff.

June 16, 2009

baby fever, part deux

i snuggled max and wes and ivy tonight.  i’m seriously considering not refilling my birth control prescription when this pack runs out.  dammit.  why do babies have to be so squishy and delicious?  especially that little stinker max.  he’s so sweet and chill; completely the opposite of my screaming, colicky newborn.  if i could have a guarantee that my second kid would be a good baby i wouldn’t have so many reservations about having another.  but, of course, another pregnancy would mean that i’d have to give up wine and i’m not sure i’m ready to make that big of a sacrifice yet.

June 14, 2009

why, no, i don't have daddy issues. why do you ask?

two men i admire, and whom i probably wouldn’t toss out of bed for getting cracker crumbs on the sheets

both of these men would be on my hypothetical “deserted island list.”  they’re brilliant, they exude compassion for others, and are immensely passionate about what they do.  my love for bill clinton goes way back to the early 90s when my political roots were just fresh little tendrils, stepping out into the world for the first time.  the presidential election campaign was in full swing as i was learning about politics and discovering how my ideals and beliefs lined up with candidates and parties and caucuses and whatnot.  in the center of it all was a cool, charismatic bill clinton and i was totally on board that train, so to speak.  in my first ever presidential election, i am pleased that i was able to cast my vote for bill clinton.  i appreciate much of what he did as a leader, but more so now with the work he is doing with his foundation; working to make positive changes in the lives of citizens and populations around the world. 

mr. brokaw.  my other dirty little secret crush.  i’ve loved him since i was a child.  my dad would arrive home from work at about 5:58, just in time to flip on the evening news.  “ba-ba-bum-BUMMMMMM.  this is NBC nightly news with tom brokaw” became such an integral part of my family’s evening routine.  dad would make himself a cocktail and then sit down in his favorite chair \ to watch the news.  we lived in a number of houses over the years, but this was always one thing that stayed the same.  some times i would watch it with him, too young to understand what was going on, unknowing that the news in another part of the world – or even the country for that matter – would have any sort of impact on my life.  even in those days of youthful ignorance, i still understood that the ba-ba-bum-BUMMMMMMM opening notes of the nightly news were a constant and comfortable tradition.  as i grew older i joined my father to watch the 6pm news more often and it became a tradition not only of the 6:00 hour in our house, but a tradition of the 6:00 hour that we shared as father and daughter.

June 13, 2009

all signs point to "who knows"

should we, or should we not?  before i got pregnant with avery i knew that i wanted to have a baby.  that whole baby fever thing?  yeah, i had it bad.  i was certain that i wanted to get pregnant.  i was certain that i wanted to become a mother.  there was no question.  i just knew.  

then, there was colic.  there was postpartum depression.  there were sleep issues.  there was anxiety.  there were marital ups and downs.  the adjustment to motherhood and parenthood has been a tough one; much harder than i ever expected it to be.  the certainty that we felt about Number One became the certainty of Only One.  as in no more.  never again.  

but lately, there has been a little murmur of hmmm, just maybe starting to rise, but i’m certainly far from certain.  

people have started to ask, “so, when are you having Number Two?” and my brain yells NEVER AGAIN, and my gut yells NEVER AGAIN, and part of my heart yells NEVER AGAIN.  but then there is just a little piece of me that says hmmm, just maybe.  i’ve spent time three of my friends’ itty bitty babies this week and felt a teeny tiny twinge of nostalgia and yearning, but also a sizable twinge of “oh shit, not yet.”  i can’t figure out which twinge is more frightening. 

recently i’ve been seeing our chosen boy name everywhere.  (yes, we do have names picked even though we haven’t decided if this is a for-sure thing).  it is not a common, garden-variety name so its presence is somewhat curious.  last week i had two baby dreams.  in the first i was folding boy’s clothes.  in the second we had another little girl.  in my dreams i was totally okay with having a second child. if you’re the type to believe in dreams and signs, you’d start to wonder if these little hints mean something more.  my conscious brain is not quite there yet, but i have to wonder if maybe these dreams and signs are my subconscious mind’s way of moving me toward readiness. 

i don’t know what to make of all this.  i honestly don’t know if i’m strong enough to make it through the first year again.  i don’t think i can handle another “difficult” baby again.  i wonder if i’m being selfish because i don’t want to go back to the days of struggle and tears.  i am scared of feeling unhinged and crazy again, though i’ve already decided that i will stay on the Crazy Pills if we decide to go for Number Two.  i want my daughter to have the chance at a wonderful sibling relationship, and i worry that she would miss out on something special if she is an only child…but is that alone a valid reason to have another child?

right now i guess it’s all hypothetic.  i just wish i had a sense of certainty either way.  i feel like i should feel a strong sense of baby fever like i did before avery, and the fact that i don’t feel it is a sign that i am not ready and that i might never be.   maybe.

June 8, 2009

and today, i love


angelika.  you asked for it.

June 7, 2009

writing my to-do list…with permanent marker

if there is one thing i excel at, it’s procrastination.  i am the queen bee of slacking off.  i am a terrific list-writer; i can make a to-do list like nobody’s business.  getting through all my tasks?  well, that’s another story.  i am not kidding…i’ve had “clean out closet” on my list(s) of chores for, oh, let’s see, two years.  i am just really easily distrac…OH, look!  something shiny!

where was i?  oh yes.  to do.  

my husband will be home from work all week so i have no excuse to not get shit done.  this will be the Week of Projects.  first on the list?  massage.  then, a haircut.  maybe somewhere in there i will find time to organize the closet and scrub the toilets.  stay tuned.

June 7, 2009

today, i love

trader joe’s dark chocolate almonds with belgian chocolate, sea salt and turbinado sugar.  lots of ingredients = lots of yum

freddie mercury.  i find his flamboyance absolutely mesmerizing.

my new, almost finished basement


dreaming about living in an i house on a beach somewhere

scrabble on my iphone