Archive for January, 2009

January 31, 2009

bathroom renovation: step one

granite: bought

we are now the proud owners of a large slab of rock.  in searching for someone to turn this beauty into something usable i learned that the words for undermount, faucet, sink, and measurement are missing from my spanish vocabulary.  this normally wouldn’t be an issue in daily conversation, but when searching for someone to fabricate countertops on the cheap (“you pay cash. we have deal?”) this is somewhat of a stumbling block.

January 30, 2009


some days parenting a toddler is like dealing with a bee at a picnic.  you’re just sitting there, enjoying the sunshine eating a fruit salad and the bee is buzzing around your head thinking, “sweet!  a watermelon!  buzz buzz buzz!”  the bee is not intentionally aggravating, it’s just what bees do; the sight of a picnic is just too much for a bee to resist.  after a while you find yourself wanting to smash the fucking bee with a shoe.

January 29, 2009

i wish apple made toothbrushes

i could probably send a text message from my iphone while blindfolded, driving 75 miles per hour (just kidding…i don’t text and drive), while simultaneously searching googlemaps for directions and looking for a specific song on a specific playlist, but i can’t figure out how to work a damn electric toothbrush? thefuck? i got the oral-b triumph with SmartGuide because i needed a new gadget like i need another hole in my head, and also because my dentist guilted me into buying it. it’s supposed to be the most high-tech toothbrush on the planet and wirelessly monitors your brushing habits with a handy dandy LCD screen gizmo thingamajig (see, i am totally tech-savvy), but for some reason i can’t get the toothbrush to communicate with the guide. i even googled “oral-b triumph smartguide help what the fuck is wrong with my toothbrush and why did i waste money on this piece of crap” to see what i could find, and i got nothing. the LCD screen displays the time and shows a picture of the toothbrush, but it doesn’t do the 2-minute countdown like it’s supposed to or show me the little icon of a tooth being swept with a feather to indicate that i am brushing in sensitive mode as my dentist instructed me to do. i’ve tried unplugging and replugging, taking the batteries out and putting them back in (both of which are scientifically proven techniques for fixing modems, dvd players, toaster ovens, and PC load letter errors), switching brush heads, and cursing the good name of oral-b and its subsidiaries. so far nothing has worked. why is there no option-command-esc on my toothbrush?

January 29, 2009

365 project: day 93

the first installation of my so-called boring yet SPECTACULAR life…because i know you all care about what i eat for breakfast.  


whole wheat english muffin with natural peanut butter

a handful of raw almonds

fish oil




coffee with steamed skim milk and raw sugar

watered down applejuice….not a urine sample

January 28, 2009

365 project: day 92

new hair.  it is much darker in person.  my superduper fancy hollywood bathroom lighting makes it look more brown than black.  i’m digging it though. 


and the before


January 28, 2009

oh, hello. what's new with you?

so, um. yeah. i got a new toothbrush today. that was pretty exciting. and i got to nibble on the most munchable, crunchable, squishable, heaven-scented (and perhaps heaven sent?) wrinkly newborn baby goodness today. lil’ miss ivy adeline is adorable. i cursed myself for only bringing my purse with me, as i quickly realized that a messenger bag or tote would have been far more suitable for carrying out my scheme to purloin molly’s baby. purloin…that’s a nice word. much sweeter sounding than “abduct”, and less likely to carry felony charges, don’t you think? kidnapping, schmidnapping….”i was only borrowing the baby, officer. honest. she was just too cute and snuggly to put down so i had to take her home with me.” great. now i’ve gone and red-flagged myself and molly will never, ever ask me to babysit her child.

so, what else? i had a birthday. i’ve had 31 of them now, well, technically 32 if you count my actual BIRTH day. either way, i’m not 30 anymore. i’m sliding towards 40 already. i did have a little realization the other day that i am now as old as my mother was when i was born, and i was her third child. she had my brother when she was 27, my sister at 29, and me at 31. i have one baby. that is fine with me. i can’t imagine having three by this age…and back then she was considered ooooooollllllddddd for a mom. true story: my mom was considered to be “the spinster career girl” in her family because she had not yet wed or reproduced by the time she was 23. OH THE HORROR! being a liberated woman in the 70s must have been hard work when you’ve been raised on a farm to be a good quaker gal. go mom! way to get yourself all university educated and becoming a city girl and stuff before settling down to a life of cooking and cleaning, adventures in child rearing, and minivans.

and yet another new thing – gosh, i am just chock full of happenings – i dyed my hair again yesterday (yes at home, yes from a box).  if the box states “darkest black brown” on it and is called something like “sweetest cola” and your pre-dye color is light brown with brassy reddish tones….it is pretty much going to be very, very dark.  i feel quite mysterious, like i’m in disguise or something.  sadly, the disguise i would most convincingly pull off these days is that of Snow White.  i like the change, change is good, we’re full swing in the era of change now, no?  the new darker, goth-er me will just take a little getting used to, and perhaps a new choppy chop to make it look better.  i have been in desperate need of a haircut anyway.

so, at the risk of sounding completely narcissistic (oooh, i got it right on the first try.  that’s a tough one for me to spell) i’ve been having weird blog-related thoughts.  let me see if i can explain.  this is going to sound totally lame because i have a readership of, oh, about 2 people, but the whole concept of Blogging (with a big B) and exposing myself to the world suddenly started impacting me in a weird way.  not as in i was worried that i was sharing too much, or had concerns about my thoughts being part of the public world.  it was sort of the opposite.  i found myself constantly thinking “hmmm, i should blog about this.  how can i turn this into a clever post that i can share as an example to highlight my life?” and the “this” in that sentence was usually something as exhilarating as making coffee.  why on earth would i think that there are people out there who would find my morning coffee routine even remotely interesting.  and then!  it gets worse.  i started to daydream that all my actions were being “followed” by a camera crew, or that i was being interviewed by Oprah about my adventures on my new reality show….it’s going to be called “my so-called mundane, but in my head i am SPECTACULAR, life.”  tune in.  it’s going to be…..boring.  so that was just a really long way of explaining that i feel like i am living in my head too much, thinking about how i will be viewed by my imaginary “audience” and it’s starting to freak me out.  i’m sure my therapist friends (kristen, kristina, shannon…bust out those DSM-IVs and get me a diagnosis STAT!) will have a field day looking into the inner quirky workings of my neurotic mind since i’ve touched on narcissism, paranoia, delusions of grandeur, cognitive distortion, and possibly hallucinations in just one short paragraph.  (note to self: remember to take your meds, dear.  we like you better when you’re less crazy.  love, self)  oh, and after that last sentence, you can add dissociative identity disorder to the list.  

so, now that i’m all caught up, with words, anyway, i will start back into picture posting soon.  i’m changing my mindset around my goal of the 365 project and i’m making it the “as many as i can in 365 but it’s okay if i skip a few days project.”  

we’ve got house projects coming up….whoohoo hold your excitement for those before and after pics!  i’m working on setting some goals for some personal projects i’d like to tackle, so i will be updating here as i try to hold myself accountable for making changes and sticking to them.  

i’m thirty-one, time to get shit done.  i should create a masthead for that.  or maybe just a t-shirt.

January 23, 2009

365 project: day 91



January 23, 2009

thirty plus one

i’m 372 months old today.  happy birthday to me!  

so aside from celebrating a decade of legal drinking, thirty-one isn’t that big a deal.  to be honest, turning 30 wasn’t that big a deal either, probably because i insisted on referring to that birthday as “twenty-nine plus one”.  thirty has had its ups and downs, but mostly it’s been good to me.  i dealt with the funk of postpartum depression and anxiety and really began to get into the swing of motherhood.  i lost the baby weight and then some.  i drank a lot of wine, and i learned to make a killer vanilla cupcake (thanks, sarah).  i made some of the best friends i’ve ever known and for the very first time in my life felt like i was part of a really amazing group of women.  i celebrated first-birthday cake-smashings with my friends’ babies and my own.  i witnessed the election and inauguration of barack obama, our nation’s first african-american president, the first candidate who has really been able to inspire and motivate an entire generation.  i watched my baby morph from a tiny little immobile creature into a walking, talking, full-fledged human toddler.  i fell in love with my daughter a million, bazillion times over, and felt my heart explode every single time because i couldn’t possibly fit anymore love into my soul, yet somehow i manage.  

my goals for thirty-one are pretty simple: love my baby and my husband, live consciously, be present, appreciate life, show compassion, keep on breathing.  i’d also like to find more time to read books and do yoga, spend less time cleaning, and take a vacation.  also, winning the lottery would be nice, but i’m pretty darn blessed already so maybe i’ll save that goal for thirty-two.

January 23, 2009

365 project: day 90



i’ve lost track of the days again.  i don’t know what day of the 365 project i am on.  but look!  i made my baby a hat.

January 20, 2009

hail to the chief

finally.  i love this picture.  our first family.  ::sigh::