Archive for October, 2008

October 31, 2008

365 project: day 31

i’ve made it a whole month!  one down, eleven to go

October 31, 2008

halloween

it was almost 80 degrees today, which is a-fricking-mazing because i cannot remember a halloween here when it hasn’t been 20 degrees and snowing.  we went and wandered around pearl street in boulder…along with eleventy-hundred-billion other people who were enjoying the unseasonably warm weather.  the fun thing about halloween in boulder, though, is that people’s everyday-wear looks totally normal.  it’s hard to figure out who is in costume and who is just a freak.  

October 30, 2008

365 project: day 30

i left my camera at home today.  i was just meeting a friend to go running; i didn’t think there would be many picture taking opportunities – really, no one wants a picture of me in running shorts – but then i saw this tree.  i snapped a quick picture with my iphone but a little camera phone picture cannot even begin to capture its beauty.  i was absolutely in awe.  this tree was stunning, almost as if a golden light was radiating off of it and turning the whole area bright yellow.  i grew up in an area without seasons, where trees don’t change colors unless they are dead or burnt.  i’ve been here for seven years and i still walk around with my mouth agape every autumn, marveling at the trees of vivid orange, red, and yellow.  the snow, however, has totally lost its appeal and i’m sure i will be cursing the change of seasons in just a few short weeks.  

October 30, 2008

turn around and let me put this "kick me" sign on your back

if you’re a wee, delicate flower, don’t go on the internet.  if you don’t like bullies, stay away from chat boards.  if you’re going to cry because someone doesn’t super pink puffy heart you, or doesn’t less than three you, take your tray and go to the other side of the cafeteria because i don’t want you sitting at my table anyway.  i met some of my very best friends on the internet, but i also “met” a lot of people that i didn’t like.  some of them were downright mean, some were just not my type.  none of them were worth getting in a tizzy over if they didn’t want me in their clique.  oh! mah! gah!  

i joined a message board a few years ago.  it was a great distraction when i was bored-at-work career gal, and a lifesaver in the lonely, isolated days of early stay-at-home-mommyhood.  over time, it became less important to me, especially as the fog of depression lifted and i reconnected with my motivation to actually do things.  it became less interesting.  it became unnecessary.  the distraction became just that…a distraction.  the girls that i met on that board – the ones that i really connected with – have transformed from “internet friends” to “in real life” friends.  (OMG! IRL!) we never would have met if it weren’t for that internet board, and for that i am truly grateful.

so why am i bringing this up?  (totally lame, is it not?) because some of us defected (GASP! TREASON! TRAITORS!) from the public board and started our own “supersecret” board, and were called out for it. (again, totally lame).  i’m 30 years old and i am in a clique for the first time in my life!  sweet!  

these girls are my friends.  i see some of them in person multiple times a week.  i text and email all of them regularly.  we workout together, we shop together, we drink together, we vacation together, we celebrate our babies’ birthdays together, we go to dinner together.  but having a message board together is a punishable offense.  

next time we have a party, we’re inviting the ENTIRE INTERNET, so check your mail for the evite. it’s gonna be huge.  but bring your own chair, because you can’t sit by me.

October 29, 2008

365 project: day 29

October 29, 2008

through the looking glass

i saw this on gelka’s blog so i am blatantly copying it from her. 

20 years ago…

  • i was a student in mrs. klein’s fifth-grade class.  
  • mrs. klein smelled of cigarettes and spoke like a 90 year old crone with emphysema 
  • we had a snake in our class.  it was black and yellow.  it repulsed and fascinated me at the same time.  one week i was in charge of bringing it a “pinkie” to eat; a pinkie is an itty-bitty-baby mouse.  i couldn’t do it.  
  • three friends and i did a choreographed dance routine to the song “dude looks like a lady” by aerosmith.  thinking back now, as an adult, i think there were perhaps some indecent moves in our routine, and certainly questionable content in our song.  i guess the talent show directors didn’t have a very high threshold for screening out inappropriate acts.  
  • i’m glad this happened in the days before youtube. 

15 years ago…

  • i was a sophomore in high school.  i was withdrawn and lonely because i knew that my family would be moving at the end of the school year.  i didn’t want to get close to anyone, or get involved in activities at school, because i knew that it would just make it harder to leave when the time came.  
  • i was looking forward to getting my driver’s license.  
  • my friend susie moved away at the beginning of sophomore year.  i still remember that she called me to say ‘goodbye’ as the plane was taxying down the runway.  we lost touch a few years after that.  i’ve searched for her google and facebook (creepy? or not so creepy?) but so far i haven’t found her.  i hope she is doing well.  
  • i was on the swimming team and water polo team at school.  i was decent at both, but a standout at neither.

10 years ago…

  • i’m a junior in college in a lovely, lovely place in southern california.  
  • i’m working part time at an eating disorder treatment facility.
  • i had broken up with my boyfriend of almost 4 years earlier that spring.  he called in october and told me that he had “hooked up with a rebound girl” (not an exact quote, but you get the gist). he is married to that rebound girl still to this day.  
  • i felt very lonely.  i didn’t really make an effort to make good friends, even though i was friendly with everyone and had a lot of casual friends and acquaintances.  

5 years ago…

  • living with a boyfriend, we’ll call him B.  our relationship was always much more platonic than it was romantic.  we were great friends, we were decent partners, but we certainly weren’t right for each other long term.
  • i was really into yoga and went to at least three classes a week, plus additional practice daily at home.  yoga had been a huge part of my relationship with B.  when our relationship started souring, and i moved out, i quit going to yoga class.  i probably needed it more at that point in my life, but i took a hiatus, i guess you could say.  
  • i started looking for my own apartment
  • i started my grad school internship, that would lead to my post-grad school career, which i would eventually leave to become a stay-at-home-mom

3 years ago…

  • miserable at my job.  it turned out to be a bad-fit for me and i cried almost everyday on my way into work.  
  • went to a wedding in st. louis (with my now-husband) and we got in the worst, most embarrassing, screaming fight.  it was not good. we came home to colorado after that trip, unsure of our relationship, unsure of our future.  he vowed to marry me before the end of the next year. 

1 year ago…

  • dealing with a colicky newborn
  • dealing with postpartum depression
  • mom flew out to help
  • there were joyous moment, but it was a tough time. 
  • sleep deprivation is torture

so far this year…

  • i’ve lost all my baby weight, and then some
  • i’ve started running again.  not often, but it feels good to get back on the trail
  • i’ve gotten my mental health under control
  • i’ve developed strong relationships with some amazing friends
  • i’ve been more consistent about getting back to yoga

goals for the rest of year and into next year…

  • be mindful and compassionate.
  • enjoy life, worry less
  • take pictures
  • do yoga
  • love my husband and my baby
October 28, 2008

someday

someday i’d like to buy an old barn on a large piece of land, in northern michigan, perhaps, and rehab it into a beautiful home.  it will be my summer house, naturally, because my winter home will be on a beach in costa rica.  my weekend retreat will be a treehouse in the rainforest, hanging with the sloths and monkeys.  

someday i’d like to do something artistic.  maybe i’ll become a painter, or a real live photographer.  or maybe i’ll just spend lazy afternoons with my daughter, a bunch of crayons, and an endless roll of paper on which to scribble our dreams.

someday i’ll become a morning person.  i’ll begin my day with a bunch of sun salutations.  a wise yogi told me once that you are supposed to do a sun salutation for every one of your years, every single morning.  maybe my inner-child can take the lead on this one so i only have to do seven or eight, instead of thirty.  

someday i will be less consumed by consumerism.  i will live a simple life free from the trappings of the need.more.stuff.now! lifestyle.  

someday i will be mindful and compassionate.  i will practice kindness and tolerance.  i will know peace. i’m trying to make this one happen now, and it is working, most of the time, but i have a hard time being devoutly tolerant of people who bug the crap out of me.  i have a hard time being mindful because i feel so “not in the present moment” most of the time.  i’m a work in progress

October 28, 2008

365 project: day 28

October 28, 2008

365 project: day 27

self portrait at midnight.  leaning over to turn out the light before bed.  exhausted.  

October 28, 2008

365 project: day 26

one from the vault.  i know the purpose of this project is to capture a picture each day to chronicle a year in photographs.  but i didn’t take a picture today.  lame!  i fail already.  we did spend a lot of time today reminiscing about our old dog, sebastian, who we had to put down in april, and i realized that he has never been featured on this site.  so, i’m posting an old photo in his honor.  consider this photo as evidence of the conversation that took place today, even if the picture wasn’t actually taken today.